I have told many people that my ideal vacation would not include seaside resorts. My ideal vacation would be, say for example, the red centre in Australia - virgin lands untouched by man, or breathtaking cliffs, valleys, plateaus etc. etc. Searing heat is no biggie for me, well for Indians it is never a problem. Humidity ? Well, more is better !!

We just came back from Toulouse, France. I've heard southern France is beautiful and I have imagined how it would be by looking at a few photos here and there on the internet. Well, let me explain how wonderful it was.

We flew from Stansted, London at 7:00am on the 21st and approximately one hour 30 minutes later, we arrived at Carcassonne about 60 miles from Toulouse. Ryan air calls itself a no-frills, budget airline. Unfortunately, they are not everything they claim to be. I have had a bad experience flying with Ryan air before - to Bruxxels, Belgium in 2002. I hopped out of the airport, got into a taxi and told the driver "city centre please". The driver looked at me in bewilderment and I repeated "City centre please". Well, the taxi kept on driving for close to an hour. I didn't know Ryan air had actually landed in a place called Charleroi, 40 miles away from Bruxxels. This is "false" advertising. Telling people they are flying to Bruxxels, Toulouse etc. and in reality landing in no man's land far away from the intended destination.

[Monica]
During the flight from Stansted to Carcassonne, I was listening to music on my Ipod (oh what a blessing this thing was - I didn't have to charge it even once during the holiday, and I used it on the plane and train journeys.), when Nagi asked me a very odd question.

Nagi: What does that sign mean?
I looked up at what he was pointing at. The lavatory sign.
Me: What do you mean?
Nagi: Why do they have feeding bottle for?
I looked at the sign again. It was a green/red (depending on the status of the lavatory, at that time it was green) opened toilet seat light. It does not say 'toilets here' or 'lavatory here' but I thought the sign was obvious.
Me: Doesn't it mean lavatory?
Nagi: *concentrating very hard on the sign* Aaaaaaahh… but why they have feeding bottle as the sign for toilets?
Me: It's not feeding bottle, it's a toilet seat *…fool*
Nagi: Doesn't it look like a feeding bottle to you?
I looked at the sign again. Well… you COULD mistake it for an upside-down feeding bottle, but I wouldn't even notice it if Nagi didn't mention it, so, no. And I thought I was the one obsessed with babies.

When the taxi driver dropped us on the Carcassonne train station, Nagi wanted to speak the lingo and impress the taxi driver. What happened was the opposite.

Nagi: Thank you. How do you say 'thank you'?
Taxi driver: *with a strange look on his face* Thank you.
Nagi: *realised he made a mistake and did not want to offend the first French native we saw* Oh, I meant how to say 'thank you' in French!
Taxi driver: Oh, merci. *he spoke slowly, might as well, Nagi is so bad with languages.*
Nagi: Yes, merci, merci!

He should have just asked me. My french vocabulary was just limited to 'merci' or 'bonjour' and 'au revoir', with an exception I know a perfect line of French: Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir? I guess that would have been useless though.
[/Monica]

I decided to take the train from Carcassonne to Toulouse. We arrived at Carcassonne train station (gare Carcassonne) and bought two tickets to Toulouse (26 euros). We had to wait for approximately 20 minutes before we boarded the train. As I usually do, when I meet new people, I said "hello" to an old lady - French lady !!

"Puits bonjour. Jeune homme bonjour. C'est un beau jour"

Huh !!. Sorry lady, no speak French. Me English.

"pauvre chéri de l'OH à où êtes vous allant"

Huh !!. Sorry lady, me no speak no French.

She points to my ticket now and I give it to her. "vous devez valider votre billet que vous n'avez aucun nombre de siège non plus."

Huh !! Sweet lady, don't kill me. I can't understand a word you say. You are killing me softly.

Hey Monica, I am having a hard time here with this lady, can we bugger off from here ?

Yes, ok. We will move to some other place in the platform.

So, I turn to the lady and say: "coffee.. COFFEE… cooooofee !!!" pointing to the vending machine on the other side of the platform. I was initially afraid she might mistake me for "offering" her a coffee and follow me. My intention was to vacate that area and leave that "sweet old" lady behind. Thank goodness, there is God afterall, I and Monica took off from there immediately with the lady waving goodbye.

[Monica]
I think the mistake Nagi did here was he looked very much into the conversation with the poor old lady. When the lady was saying all those French, Nagi was listening attentively. I didn't look at the lady's face, it was more amusing looking at Nagi's. He looked like he was trying so hard to understand what the lady was talking about, yet failed. I on the other hand gave up on the first sentence and the then spent the whole time trying so hard not to laugh while looking at Nagi's face.
[/Monica]

We arrived at Toulouse approximately 1 hour later. Toulouse Matabiau. We checked in at the hotel Anatole France on Rue Antoine Deville straight away. Our stomach was rumbling which meant it was time to head out for lunch. Level 1 of the hotel is actually a restaurant - Papagoya [photo ***]. It was about 35 degrees and we decided we would sit inside rather than outside - unlike those French seeking a tan. Me already have lovely tan.

The waiter attends to us and says "le bon après-midi sont vous prêt avec votre choix ?"

Huh !!. no French, me English. Do you have any vegetarian food ?

Oh yes. We have nice Shrimp. [broken English - BUT who cares, he talks my language !!]

Ahmm. No shrimp, no seafood, no meat.

Oh yes. We can make you a big salade [salad]. With tomat, spinnacheee, salaaaad, cheezzzze - you like ?

Oh yes, me like. Me very like !!!

So, two salade ?

No, my wife here eats everything.

He turns towards Monica, Monica tells him "can you explain the chef's special please" ?

The guy was fighting with himself to find the English words. Nevertheless, he is a genius. No jokes. He decided that he was not going to waste time. He took a pen and started playing "pictionary" with Monica.

He drew a Squid [explained how that was prepared], then he drew rice [YES!!]. Monica said "oh yes, I like, I likeeeee !!"

The waiter comes back after a minute and says "eggs ok in salaaaade ?".

No eggs please. Eggs me no like.

The meal was fantastic. Chirac was right, French food IS better than English food. We did not hurry up. We took a good 2 hours to finish that main meal, then followed it up with wonderful cakes, then a cappuccino - wallah ! It was amazing. We went back to the hotel and had a nice siesta for 1 hour.

[Monica]
It's tough to be a vegetarian in France, as we discovered ourselves. My food in France had always been wonderful, although I knew nothing of French word. Most of the time it was just a case of 'eenie-meenie-miney-mo'. But Nagi had to survive 3 days on salad. By Sunday morning he looked more like a goat. Luckily we didn't stay longer, otherwise the transformation would have been irreversible.

That grilled squid was magnificent. It was huge squid to say the least, with salad on the side.

France is also a croissant heaven. If you like croissant, you should go to France, it alters your definition of croissant. Oh the croissant would just meeeltttt inside your mouth…
[/Monica]

When in France, do not ask for coffee. If you say "one white coffee please" they will reply with "no no, not possible". Coffee is always black, tastes more like espresso. If you want coffee, ask for cappuccino instead. If want cappuccino, well, still ask for a cappuccino.

Inge, the Groom, called us and asked us to meet at Place Du Capitole, the city centre in every respect [photo ***]. We had dinner at Rue des Gestes where we met Marie the Bride, Tor [Inge's brother], Tor's wife Juliet, Randi [Inge's cousin - more about her later] and few of Marie's ex-school mates. [photo ***]

The meal was fantastic. I did not have to worry about ordering food this time. Inge, my dear friend, took care of that with aplomb and the meal was delicious. I had 5 or 6 glasses of red wine. I never say NO to red wine. French Red ?? Never an occasion to say NO. It was 11:30 pm and time for bed. Monica as usual, loved her food and couldn't stop praising her lunch and dinner on our way back to the hotel.

It still felt like 30+ degrees that time of the night, I had to sleep naked. PLEASE don't imagine. It scares even me. That was the end of an eventful and pleasing 21st julliet 2005.

[Monica]
However, I found it difficult to sleep in Toulouse. Our hotel was very much in the city centre, and cars passed by. There was this catch 22 situation. If you don't open the window, it's freakin hot. If you open the window, you can hear the cars pass by and HONK outside. Yes cars in France are equipped with multiple honks. When you get into the car, by default you honk. There is a honk under your seat, on the steering wheel, on the door - everywhere. When you get out of the car, you still honk. We hardly use honk here in England, I'm not even sure if mine works. [/Monica]

We woke up early in the morning and we decided to go to Lourdes [Photos ***]. In 2004 we [Monica, Yovita and I] wanted to visit Lourdes, a catholic pilgrimage site -The place where the Holy Virgin Mary appeared to St. Bernadette. Then suddenly Monica got pregnant without telling me !! So, as you can deduce, we had to postpone that plan to some other year. Conveniently, Inge decided to have his wedding at Toulouse where his lovely fiancée Marie comes from.

Lourdes is only 1 hour 30 mins by train. We had to change train at Tarbes, but it is no biggie. French trains are amazing when it comes to timing. If they say the train departs at 14:54 it REALLY does. If they claim the train arrives at 14:02, it arrives not a minute earlier and not a minute late. My favourite bit was the leg from Tarbes to Lourdes. We had the opportunity to travel by the TGV [Train à Grande Vitesse] !!! These breed of trains are capable of travelling in excess of 200 KPH and my heart was racing already. Unfortunately, Lourdes is only 14 minutes from Tarbes and TGV never reached "my" desired velocity.

Lourdes was wonderful. Very peaceful, very organised. We even saw a south Indian restaurant !! Yes, the writings and the menu were all in Tamil !!. We spent a little more than 2 hours in Lourdes and we caught the train back to Toulouse. Nothing eventful happened for the rest of the day. We had dinner at an Indian restaurant named Taj. It was CRAP. If you go to Toulouse, avoid that place. We walked along the quay [Quai Lucien Lombard] for half hour or so with the river, River Garrone, looking almost still [photos ***]. We headed back to the hotel and had an early night.

[Monica]
For those who are planning to go to Lourdes, remember that the word for 'cave' is 'grotto'.

We had a terrible time at the beginning to find out which direction the church was. Basilica? Church? Lady Mary? St Bernadette? None of those phrases gave us anymore than blank stares.

We took the taxi from the station to the grotto. The taxi driver, a woman, spoke excellent English. She took 10 euros off us without running the taximeter, but she was extremely helpful. Pointed to us where the cave was and fixed the word "grotto" in our mind.
[/Monica]

We went north of the city in the morning. We went to St. Serin Basilica [photos ***] and it is one of the most beautiful basilica's I have ever been to. It is at the corner of Rue du Taur. They charge you 2 euros to enter, but the views are worth 20 times that. We spent quite a bit of time there. They have a crypt directly under the main turret, and in there they have chapels of a few of the saints [photos ***] who perhaps had at some point in time traversed through Toulouse.

It was past noon and we had to prepare ourselves for the wedding. We rushed to Place du Capitole and had a wonderful meal out in the open. The waitress spoke good English and I did not struggle to make her understand what I wanted. The meal was nice, the bread was nice and the cappuccino was so damn nice I had to have one more before I left. I avoided the temptation of red wine knowing what is to come that very evening.

Monica and I got ready, the borrowed iron box from the reception discoloured [burnt] my shirt a tiny bit. Since I had no spare, I did not even have the time to grumble. Monica slipped on a nice looking high heels to match her lovely dress. We took the Metro [from Place du Capitole] to a station supposed by Inge to be close to St. Francis Xavier church, where he was getting married.

It took 30 minutes to walk from the station to the church. Monica's skills with the high heels were put to the sword and she can't even take them off. The kerb alongside the road is probably hotter than the surroundings and Monica's soles will burn instantly. I ain't carrying her for even a second since my lumbar spine was buggered up already !! The wedding started on time and I noticed Monica in considerable pain.

The wedding [photos ***] was lovely, I had no bloody idea what happened there. I was clicking pictures like a maniac. The sermon etc. were all in French and some even in Norwegian !!! The groom and bride exchange rings and they are pronounced Husband and Wife.

At approximately 5:30 pm, we take off on a convoy to the restaurant. It was actually in a rural setting, quite far from Toulouse. When we arrived there, to me, it appeared as if it was a converted barn. Nevertheless, it looked magnificent and a relaxing place to be. [photos ***]. The starters were all in the garden with professionally hired people offering us numkins and snacks every few minutes. The punch and other drinks provided were top class. This was the place where Monica took her high heels off !! What a relief it must have been. [photo ***]. By Sunday, some of the skin on her soles had started to peel and she had to stay home on Monday as she was in no position to go to work !!

[Monica]
I am not going to add anymore regarding the disastrous blisters. Nagi had explained it very well. I must say thank God we had a lift to the restaurant.

The convoy to the restaurant was fun. Finally we're inside one of those French cars. With honks. To add to the fun, there's a tradition for the French people to honk at the wedding convoy and the wedding convoy would reply (with honks) and more honks and it was endless. Bemused French drivers, even those not part of the convoy, join the honking party nevertheless after they notice the lead car all decorated for the wedding.
[/Monica]

Dinner began at 8:00pm and believe it or not, we had food served one after the other until 01:00am !! FIVE hours of food, all top class - 5 star quality. There was dancing and music, my back had started to play up a bit that afternoon and I stayed away from my trademark "chicken dance". For some reason, one of Marie's friends organised a game in the middle of the night. It takes time to explain; hence I desist. During the game, the contestants were asked to fetch items from the room, such as sun glasses etc. and the person who finishes last would be knocked off - the loser promises to do "something" for the married couple before their 1st anniversary.

During one of the rounds, the contestants were asked to bring an article of "underwear" from a member of the opposite sex. Wow. The French add spice to the wedding party. Randi, Inge's cousin, was prompted by a male contestant to take per "panties" off and hand it to him. To my surprise, she took it off in front of me and gave it to the man. It was even more surprising when I later found out the contestant who made that "request" to Randi was none other than her own father!!. She is a nice sport; it was just a game. The whole barn, for a prolonged period, was filled with laughter and applause.

We headed back to the hotel in a taxi at 3:30 am and caught a few hours sleep. We were up at 6:00am and wallah !! The vacation has come to an end. At 9:00 am we had checked in and by the afternoon we were back in Cambridge. An eventful vacation; very pleased indeed.

[Monica]
I need to have the final words, I'm a woman after all. :D

The only thing missing in this holiday was Agastya. I wish he came with us, we would have had more fun. I would have approached those holiday-makers with babies and chatted with them about their babies and their adventures. We would have been the first few to enter the plane. I wouldn't have had blistered feet if I took him, since it would have been absurd to wear high-heels while carrying him. I would have been one proud mum showing my handsome and smart son around. I would have had my first dance with him. Silly, why am I crying? I miss him so much I should stop writing now. From now on I wouldn't have any more holidays without him.
[/Monica]